Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia - Being Asexual

Now, today is not only the start of the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia, it’s also the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. Check out their website to see some awesome stories and to join in on the fight against hate.

So, I wanted to talk about something that's very personal for me, and was one of the reasons I decided to participate in this hop, my sexual orientation. You see, I identify as asexual. Asexuality, according to Wikipedia, is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity. It may also be considered one of the four types of sexual orientations, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Yes, I was born this way. No, I wasn't molested, I don't hate sex, I just have no desire to have it. And I'm not alone. It's estimated that 1% of the world's population is also asexual. And yes, I’ve faced some hate and indifference because of it.

For example, there’s the former friend who has always been a bit out there (conspiracy theorist). But when I told him I was asexual, he said that humans are created to have sex, and because I didn’t want to have it, I was a freak, and therefore I must be an alien or something because there was no way a freak like me could be human. Not only did he tell me this, he then proceeded to tell a bunch of our mutual friends and even total strangers that I was an alien and that he has proof. And while I always knew he wasn’t quite right in the head, it hurt. A lot.

There’s the people who I tell who always look at me weird, like I’m contagious or abnormal. Like I have a disease I can pass on, never mind that I was born this way.

Photo by toppun.com

There’s the people who instantly assume that someone must have molested me, or that I was raped, or that something horrible must have happened, because how else could I not want to have sex?

And you know what? It hurts, and it sucks.

I’ve been asked why I tell people, even if I might get a bad reaction. This is why: One day in school, I was having a debate about gay marriage. I was for it, and the person I was debating with wasn’t. He got into the whole “it’s a choice” argument. I was listing evidence proving he was wrong, but he wouldn’t let it go. Finally, I told him I was asexual. I explained about it and then asked him, if being gay was a choice, then did that mean he thought I chose to be asexual? To never be sexually attracted to anyone? To deal with the personal issues that came from being asexual? To forever be different than 99% of the world? Well, he was shocked to say the least. I won that debate, but the best part was yet to come.

You see, a few months ago, I ran into him again. He’d pretty much avoided me for the rest of the semester, so I was surprised when he asked to talk to me. I was prepared to hear all this anti-gay crap again, but I ended up being the shocked one when he thanked me. He told me that what I said had really shaken him and made him think. He realized that he’d just gone with what he’d been taught, and never questioned it before. We talked for hours, and while he isn’t gay and probably won’t be marching in a pride parade anytime soon, he also isn’t a hater anymore. And that’s why I share. I try to spread awareness and I try to get people to think differently. Because a lot of those arguments about how being gay is wrong are seriously thrown out of whack when you add asexuality to the mix.

Photo by Mali-Chan 22 on deviantART

I won’t lie and tell you I was cool when I first came to terms with being asexual. I had to deal with a lot of personal drama and issues, but I overcame my problems. I am now proudly asexual, and I’m not ashamed to share it with others. Will I ever have sex? Sure, when I’m married. After all, I do want to have kids. Anyways, I’ll worry about it then. As for now, I’m happy and that’s all that matters.

For this hop, I’m giving away a collection of some of my favorite

genres and authors of LGBT fiction. I’m picking a winner for each day of the hop, so 10 winners in all, who will get one of these books: Only THAT Night Anthology, Penance, Dex in Blue, First Impressions, Chances Are, Rodeo Secrets, Lipstick Lesbos, The Vampire’s Boy, Zone Defence, and Triple Threat. All you have to do to enter is fill out the Rafflecopter. Also, I hope you enjoy the various photos I found that I absolutely love :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Also, don't forget to check out all the others participating in the hop!