Friday, May 17, 2013

Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia - Being Asexual

Now, today is not only the start of the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia, it’s also the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. Check out their website to see some awesome stories and to join in on the fight against hate.

So, I wanted to talk about something that's very personal for me, and was one of the reasons I decided to participate in this hop, my sexual orientation. You see, I identify as asexual. Asexuality, according to Wikipedia, is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity. It may also be considered one of the four types of sexual orientations, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Yes, I was born this way. No, I wasn't molested, I don't hate sex, I just have no desire to have it. And I'm not alone. It's estimated that 1% of the world's population is also asexual. And yes, I’ve faced some hate and indifference because of it.



For example, there’s the former friend who has always been a bit out there (conspiracy theorist). But when I told him I was asexual, he said that humans are created to have sex, and because I didn’t want to have it, I was a freak, and therefore I must be an alien or something because there was no way a freak like me could be human. Not only did he tell me this, he then proceeded to tell a bunch of our mutual friends and even total strangers that I was an alien and that he has proof. And while I always knew he wasn’t quite right in the head, it hurt. A lot.

There’s the people who I tell who always look at me weird, like I’m contagious or abnormal. Like I have a disease I can pass on, never mind that I was born this way.


Photo by toppun.com
There’s the people who instantly assume that someone must have molested me, or that I was raped, or that something horrible must have happened, because how else could I not want to have sex?


And you know what? It hurts, and it sucks.


I’ve been asked why I tell people, even if I might get a bad reaction. This is why: One day in school, I was having a debate about gay marriage. I was for it, and the person I was debating with wasn’t. He got into the whole “it’s a choice” argument. I was listing evidence proving he was wrong, but he wouldn’t let it go. Finally, I told him I was asexual. I explained about it and then asked him, if being gay was a choice, then did that mean he thought I chose to be asexual? To never be sexually attracted to anyone? To deal with the personal issues that came from being asexual? To forever be different than 99% of the world? Well, he was shocked to say the least. I won that debate, but the best part was yet to come.


You see, a few months ago, I ran into him again. He’d pretty much avoided me for the rest of the semester, so I was surprised when he asked to talk to me. I was prepared to hear all this anti-gay crap again, but I ended up being the shocked one when he thanked me. He told me that what I said had really shaken him and made him think. He realized that he’d just gone with what he’d been taught, and never questioned it before. We talked for hours, and while he isn’t gay and probably won’t be marching in a pride parade anytime soon, he also isn’t a hater anymore. And that’s why I share. I try to spread awareness and I try to get people to think differently. Because a lot of those arguments about how being gay is wrong are seriously thrown out of whack when you add asexuality to the mix.

Photo by Mali-Chan 22 on deviantART
I won’t lie and tell you I was cool when I first came to terms with being asexual. I had to deal with a lot of personal drama and issues, but I overcame my problems. I am now proudly asexual, and I’m not ashamed to share it with others. Will I ever have sex? Sure, when I’m married. After all, I do want to have kids. Anyways, I’ll worry about it then. As for now, I’m happy and that’s all that matters.



For this hop, I’m giving away a collection of some of my favorite
genres and authors of LGBT fiction. I’m picking a winner for each day of the hop, so 10 winners in all, who will get one of these books: Only THAT Night Anthology, Penance, Dex in Blue, First Impressions, Chances Are, Rodeo Secrets, Lipstick Lesbos, The Vampire’s Boy, Zone Defence, and Triple Threat. All you have to do to enter is fill out the Rafflecopter. Also, I hope you enjoy the various photos I found that I absolutely love :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway
Also, don't forget to check out all the others participating in the hop!

22 comments:

  1. Thank you for taking part in the hop!

    In order to combat hatred, we must spread love. Educate others, bring awareness, because every person who has their mind opened is one person closer to a world where homophobia and transphobia doesn’t exist.

    kimberlyFDR@yahoo.com

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    1. Great answer Kimberly, thanks so much for stopping by!

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  2. Thank you for participating in this hop! I am participating in this hop because I have a great deal of friends who identify as part of the LGBT community. Personally, I am straight, but have always found it wrong that people should have to suffer for who they are. I was raised that you should always stand up for equality and I see this hop as part of that.

    Beth
    JPadawan11@gmail.com

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    1. I'm glad that you were raised that way. I work with kids, and it shocks me how prejudiced some of the kids are, and it's how they're raised. Thanks so much for participating!

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  3. yay, another asexual! :D So great meeting you! ;)
    Yeah, sexual people never can believe we don't give a damn about sex... I wrote a love story with an asexual protagonists and she finds a man - lucky her...
    Best
    Barb
    creativebarbwire at gmail dot com

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    1. That's awesome! I'd love to read more stories with asexual characters. Just because we're not interested in sex, doesn't mean we don't want to fall in love!

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  4. tough question you ask there ... not sure if I can give a short answer. Well for one I like blog hops - I get to discover blogs I would never know about otherwise.
    Why this blog hop though well a mixture of things I would say - people are not my speciality so I tend to read books, and I know it's not perfect but you can learn a lot from books. So I guess interest brought me from historical to science fiction to whatever genre to romance novels. So for the past hmm maybe year I've read my way to all sorts of romance novels just to see what writers minds can come up with.
    And well I can't say I identify as anything I guess I just haven't bothered to really think about it. But then in the end I'm just me ... so I don't know if I will ever spend much time thinking about it. So I might not exactly qualify for the hop, but it's a good cause and I really do not like bullies so anything that goes against them or helps shield others from them I'm in for it.
    Thanks for your story - that is a new category to think about - even though I absolutely do not like categories. I either like people or I don't and if I don't depending on how they behave towards me if I don't like them I'm done with them. Might not make me the most social person ever but it works and it's sort of fair.
    Ok that got rather long and reading it is probably a challenge - but you asked and it's not like I had days to draft and redraft.
    - leo.v.s at aol dot com

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    1. That's fine, thanks for sharing! I get what you're saying, and I think you're perfectly qualified to participate. That's how we spread our message, through people who stumble upon these posts and decide to continue along and learn more. Thanks for participating!

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  5. Great post! I don't understand why people get so hung up on others being gay, straight, bi, asexual, or anything else. Sexuality is just *one* tiny facet of the great kaleidoscope of human experience!

    vitajex(at)aol(dot)com

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    1. I agree with you Vita. My sexuality doesn't change the fact that I'm a decent person, that I love reading, or that I happen to have a chocolate addiction. It doesn't change who I am, I'm the same person I've always been. Thanks for participating!

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  6. I'm sure there have been asexual people throughout history, but who could mention it? Only none type of sexulaity has been considered "normal" for far too long. Thanks for sharing your story!
    Urbanista
    brendurvanist at gmail dot com

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  7. Why? The better question is why not. I am a 65 year old widowed grandmother and I want a better world for my grandchildren whatever their preferences may be.

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    1. That's a great reason, thanks for participating!

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  8. Thank you for taking part in the hop and bringing up the subject of being asexual. I, myself identify as such since I have no interest in the same or opposite sex and frankly can't imagine myself having any sexual interaction with another being. Why do I take part in this hop? I'm sick of hearing about crimes against gays and I believe that if people would just allow themselves to see and learn then they won't let their prejudice get in their way. So I joined this hop in support of those who use stories to spread love and equality.

    humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

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    1. I'm glad you stopped by! I agree, I can't imagine myself having sex. That's why I read sex scenes in romances, cause it helps me understand how other people feel (sexually), even though I don't feel that. And thank you for joining this hop, it's great to see you again :)

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  9. I am straight but my step-aunt is gay and I have tons of gay friends which is why I am doing the Hop and why I fight against homophobia. I also really enjoy reading M/M novels :)

    peggy1984 (at) live (dot) com

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    1. All great reasons for joining us, thanks for participating!

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  10. Thank you for doing this amazing hop! I am participating in the hop because I think that this is a great way to fight homophobia is a fun way. I spent a lot of time fighting homophobia in my personal circle, but I am now trying to write LGBT stories and get them published. I feel that would be a better use of my voice.

    sophiebonaste@gmail.com

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    1. I wish you luck with your quest to be published, let me know when you publish your books! Thanks for participating!

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  11. I fight because I see injustice, and I can't stand that. Many minority groups are subjected to injustice, but since there's very little discrimination of LGBT people in Iceland (where I live - there's no official discrimination, but there may be the occasional person who disapproves - they're just not vocal about it), I find the state of LGBT rights in other countries horrifying. I take part in this hop because I want to make a difference and I do a lot over the course of a year to try to help.

    Erica
    eripike at gmail dot com

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  12. I doing the hop because I think everyone should be treated the same it doesn't matter if your gay, straight or transgender. I tell people what I think when I hear them making hateful comments about how gay people should not be allowed to get married. It just burns me up how ignorant people are.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

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